Does forgiveness remove accountability? I wrestle with this question a lot. In my personal life I’ve often said, “Sorry doesn’t mean anything if you don’t change your behavior.”. In my marriage and parenting, we have tried to put that into practice. We follow up apologies with action. If I say, “No” habitually to my son, I apologize and then try to be conscious moving forward. It’s a good system, and it works on the basis that we have mutual love and respect for each one another. I want to be the best father and husband that I can be, my wife and son want to be the best in their respective roles. We didn’t come to this in a vacuum, we learned it from the Biblical principle of Repentance, Teshuvah, to turn away. When we apologize we turn away from what has hurt one another. That works with God, that works with man. Nothing is done without prayer of course.

However, I keep running seeing situations, both public and private, that make it seem like there is no accountability. It’s something I’ve wrestled with, because I am a great receiver of Grace and Mercy from God, and I believe that I should also be a great giver of what I have received. I would like to make the case though, that Grace does not mean a freedom from accountability. The best example that I can think of is King David. Highly favored of God, His chosen instrument, “a man after God’s own heart.”. What happened when David sinned with Uriah’s wife? Forgiveness and calamity. His son died, he was not allowed to build the temple, his sins were constantly on his mind, yet he was forgiven.

At times I feel that we are quick to misinterpret Grace that we show others as a “no accountability, no repercussions, no responsibility” kind of thing. If someone has hurt your wife (your very flesh), it’s normal to protect her if they are not repenting of hurting her. There’s turning the other cheek to stay engaged and seek restoration for the one who has assaulted you, and then there is realizing that there is no longer a purpose in being slapped (no repentance is happening, no restoration is possible from your proximity) and taking a step back out of slapping range.

We are to be conformed in the very image of Christ, but remember that the Passion was purposeful. Maybe you aren’t the one that God has to help restore them, make sure there’s purpose in what you’re doing. I say this as someone with bruised cheeks, not as someone who has never let a blow land, a loving Father doesn’t like to see His child abused.